The "Lame Lance" Theory

A close friend of mine recently sent me a link to a YouTube video titled, you might have guessed it, “#LameLance.” If you have not already seen the video, go check it out before resuming this blog post.

YouTube: “#LameLance” https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=hKOB618eIjc#!

You didn’t do it, did you?

In case you did not watch the video, let me shed some light on the Lame Lance theory. If you can recall, I wrote a blog titled “Wait” that shared the reality that sometimes your name in someone’s phone is identified as “Do Not Pick Up” or worst, “12345678.” That’s because your number wasn’t even worth the time to add as a contact in her cell phone. Now don’t worry, your number just might actually come into good use.

Lame Lances know our main men have a tendency to slip up time and time again. Lame Lance is the guy who every woman can count on when waking up every morning to those "Good Morning" text messages. Lame Lance is the guy who, knowing he wont get a text back, will continue to text us those favorite "Thinking of you" or "Hope you're feeling better" messages. Lame Lance's game is often doubted, criticized, and in all honesty, worthy of blog material. Trust me, I've used it. Now I know what you’re thinking, Lame Lance is the one slippin’. You see, I beg to differ because Lame Lance knows that her main man is bound to slip up and when that happens, he’ll be the first one in line. Ironically, Lame Lance is the guy who is called or let us be honest, texted, because no one seems to know how to use a phone anymore, when her main man is slippin’. 

As demonstrated in the video, a man slippin' may include your girl requesting "just for one, please" because her main man is at home with his boys playin' Call of Duty. Black Ops 2 just came out and all our main men went into hiding, received any unexpected text messages lately? Main men slippin’ can include every post you find her on Swag Etiquette. See, slippin’, and that’s where you, Lame Lance, come in.

Now as a single woman, I have watched my main men slip up one too many times. It’s funny because these main men have a tendency to be traded out and become old news but Lame Lance still remains present. And let me clarify, Lame Lance can come in many forms. We have Lame Lance "my main man just slipped up, can we talk?" This is where my infamous ratchet clap will come in. We have Lame Lance "I'm just trynna kick it." After all, Lame Lance invited your girl to Waffle House and we all know, “bitches love waffle house.” And of course, we have Lame Lance, "I'm just trynna fuck." Lame Lance is the one I’m calling when you took too long to text back when I was trying to remind you what you’ve been missing. Lame Lance is the one I’m calling when I catch you texting another female and you give me the excuse, “that’s just my homegirl.” Lame Lance is the one I’m going to call when I need to be heard knowing you won’t be there to listen.

Lame Lance has a tendency to remind us women that, sure, they may not have the intended swag we women prioritize, but admittedly, they’re the one we find ourselves calling when you're not around. No longer are we texting our main men, you perhaps, like we use to. Ever wonder why?

Main men, listen closely and carefully. As a main woman, I didn’t just call or text Lame Lance for a five-minute conversation this time. I caught you slippin’ one too many times. I had him come over and he taught me somethin’; You can easily be replaced.

Lesson: First and foremost you must understand a difference between your “main man” and “boyfriend.” This writer is not here to promote cheating. Secondly, watch the video for a good laugh because some material I was unable to include. Lastly, main men pay attention to how you treat your girl because without a doubt, someone else is doing it right and if not careful you can become just another Lame Lance in her phone.