Angry Single Women: Keyboard Restriction

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Fellas, I apologize, I think I have been a bit hard on you lately. “Bitches be crazy” is not just a witty e-card, it’s truth. Ladies, you need to sit down for this one because you’re in trouble. You’re about to be put on blast in the Angry Single Women edition of Swag Etiquette under Keyboard Restriction. I would say text but than you would just use Facebook. I’d say Facebook but than you would comment on Instagram. I am denying you keyboard access until you finish this post.

After having the opportunity to connect with a couple of good friends, I have had the opportunity to experience what it would be like to be a single man. All right, I may be exaggerating. I simply was given permission to take his cell phone during the car ride and answer his incoming text messages. The other experience was where a friend of mine gave me insight to Angry Single Women by showing me excessive messages received via Facebook. Now I have had my share of poorly worded text messages, both delivered and received but nothing compares to the desperation women are illustrating with keyboard access.

Exhibit A: My friend informed me a guy friend of his was playing a prank on him and forwarded his number to a girl who recently had broken up with her boyfriend. I believe that is how this all began. Now the conversation between my friend and this young woman went fairly smooth in the initial stages of texting. Than she got weird. Ladies, I don’t know how to make it anymore clear but texting should be done as if you were face to face with an individual. For example, I would not stand in front of a man I hardly knew and ask, “do you think I am pretty” only to follow with “you’re just saying that” when he tells you what you want to hear. I mean, you sound ridiculous. It gets worst. The young woman proceeded to create a trivia challenge for my friend questioning, “are you a mean or nice guy?” What does that even mean? If he were a mean guy, would he say yes? Your excessive LOLs and HAHAs to comments that had no intention of being funny, trust me I know because I wrote them, shows you are incapable of a conversation. Given that you have failed to use a “.” or “,” this entire time, you also need to return to school. I mean seriously, you should not be allowed to text.

Exhibit B: That same night, my friend and his home girl were texting throughout the night during our kick it. The conversation was fairly predictable until she flipped the script. Out of no where she asks, “does it bother you that I am texting you?” Home girl, if he’s texting you back, you already have your answer. She later followed with the same question as Exhibit A, “do you think I’m pretty?” Seriously, what if he said no? I highly doubt you have enough wit to come up with a good response. In my honest opinion, a woman who is confident in her self should not need to search for compliments but always honor them when they are given. Ladies you need to relax. He’s your homeboy so why make it weird? You should not be allowed to have your cell phone. I mean seriously, put it down.

Exhibit C: For a minute, I thought my good friend was just attracting some abnormal females. Could all females be this desperate?  Exhibit C reminded me, it is quite possible. The other night my “man friend” and yes I said man friend, began discussing some of the people who have been in and out of our lives. He showed me a message on Facebook where the intention was a conversation between him self and a girl he use to talk to. Something like that. The only problem was, she never waited for his response. What do I mean exactly? I mean this: you are allowed one message where you say all what you need to say. If you do not receive a response, it’s time to let it go and move forward. The problem was this angry single woman failed to do so. She sent her message using feeling words and all. Within two days she proceeded to message in anger because he had not responded. I knew she was angry based on her cap locks. That’s one way to do it. I wish that were where the story ended. This angry single woman went from a message with feeling, to a message with cap locks, to a message with swear words, to a message filled with hate. Mind you, he responded with two sentences at max. Reading it, all I could wish was for her to simply stop and rethink. She did not. She didn’t even use periods. Again, females, please, resume your education. Exhibit C, welcome to Swag Etiquette.

Lesson: Angry single women, I understand emotions may get the best of us sometimes. However, it is imperative that you take a step back, read a little Swag Etiquette, take a grammar class, and remind yourself that less is more. Less indirect questions searching for compliments. Less anger via cap locks. Less bi-polar thought process via Facebook. Take a step back and ask yourself, would the way you act behind a screen, be the way you would act face to face?