Cupid On a Budget

I have never seen this before and maybe it’s because for the longest time I was on the opposing team. Unfortunately, Team Single is not much of a team at all; look around you, you’re ass is alone. Thank you Kevin Hart for that one. Naturally, while the celebratory team celebrates Cupid’s big day, I find myself with a little extra time on my hands to simply observe. During my observations, I came across something unexpected. Team Single seems to think Valentine’s Day is Single’s Awareness Day and make it a point to make it known. Take a deep breath Team Single; everyday is Single’s Awareness Day where social media targets your relationship status on a daily basis. You’re not fooling anyone.  

Now the men on my team seem to have lost sight of what it means to be an eligible bachelor. You know the kind that meets the eye with full potential yet remains simply unavailable for every other reason besides his relationship status. So I beg to ask why my male teammates continue to promote full financial success 364 days of the year with the exception of 1 day, Valentine’s Day. As I cock my head from side to side with a look of confusion, I read “I just saved a bunch of money this Valentine’s Day by staying single.” You know that moment when someone claps after a poorly executed joke to save face? My reaction exactly. Now don’t think this is targeting you, or you, or even you. Exactly my point, you are not the only one posting this content. It seems this year savings accounts just reached a new high, yet while I applaud your ability to be financially focused, I remain thoroughly unimpressed.

Oh I get it, Valentine’s Day is a bit overrated right? Sure, but that one woman who has been by your side could really have used a day to indulge in opportunistic holiday. Keyword: Sideline. “roses are red, violets are blue, if that man is busy on Valentine’s day, than the side chick is you.” Or financially strategizing, either work.  Fellas indulge in the sanctity in being single because I’m going to help you rid yourself of a sideline, sounds like you can’t afford it.

The Cowards Way Out

It was just a few months ago when I found myself in the arms of a man I knew my mama would be damn proud of. You see, I didn’t even know much about him but she didn’t have to, all she needed to know was he was Jewish. Now if you know me personally, relax, that was just a phase. No sooner had I begun telling my mother about this individual, he disappeared. I’m not talking about the classic fade out, that is next on my list. I am talking about a man who walked out of my life and never looked back without notice. Okay, I know what you’re thinking, something is wrong with the individual we have been taking relationship advice from for one year. Not the case, give me a little bit of credit. It was simply meeting someone who I thought was a man and turned out to be nothing more than a coward. Now this is one way to get out of a filled Valentine’s day agenda, however I don’t recommend it if you want to avoid your lack in dating etiquette to be my next featured post.

The Fade Out

The fade out is my least favorite way in which people disconnect yet it remains so incredibly common. So exactly what is a fade out? A fade out is exactly, what it sounds like. Two individuals are talking, dating, in an unlabelled relationship, yet overtime, you find yourself thinking, “It’s been a while since I’ve heard from him.” With good faith, you dismiss your suspicions, go about your day and continue on. Unfortunately, it’s now been two weeks and the only verbal exchanges the two of you have had consist of “Good Morning,” and “K.” First of all, we knew something was up with the “K.” text message. Ladies, this is nothing short of a fade out. It’s most often used because it is much to easy to avoid confrontation. While you execute the fade out perfectly, the person on the other line is left hanging on the other line asking herself, “where did it go wrong? Was it something I did?” With mixed message, unpredictable visits, and an occasional time in bed you have mastered a complicated relationship with someone you no longer wanted by your side yet you just can’t seem to get her to leave your house in the morning.

Keep It 100%

I went an entire year where I swear every other sentence had me demanding others to “keep it 100” with a ratchet clap following closely behind. For whatever reason, your sideline is not the one you wish to spend your February 14^th with and you have now less than twenty hours to get rid of her. We lie and omit to others because we wish to avoid hurting others but I beg you, “keep it 100.” Choose the way in which you wish to deliver the information, but deliver it clearly. Say what you need to say and welcome honesty. Allow her to have some control in the situation by allowing her to initiate whether or not she wants to be in your life, if maintaining a friendship is what you intend. You are now able to walk away from the situation knowing you communicated appropriately and were honest with both your partner and yourself. Okay, maybe it’s not that serious to you, after all, she was just a side chick to you but I’m going to help you out and teach you a little Swag Etiquette. With proper etiquette, you may have just prevented an overflowed inbox with only her name listed or a blog blast on Swag Etiquette. You might be surprised how many of your girls ask me to feature you in my blog. I’m just kidding, I’m sure I’ll find a place for you somewhere in here.

Lesson: Your phone is filled with text blasts, IG shout outs, and witty Facebook remarks all at Cupid’s expense. Happy Valentine’s Day. Happy Single’s Awareness Day. Happy Cupid Keeps Fucking Up Day. As you slowly awake, you look around and are reminded your bank account remains untouched and no unnatural expectations are placed on you on this vary day. Congratulations in your success, I suggest you celebrate, but look around Team Single, where’s your team?