The Challenge: How to Be Single

-->

I am exhausted. I am defeated. I am throwing in the towel. I think I lost sight of what my New Years resolution was all about: To be single in Los Angeles for a duration of one year and embrace the dating scene. See, I think I forgot the key word, “dating” and unfortunately found myself replacing my epic made-up rap lyrics for love songs, my “no bullshit” attitude for an overly optimistic outlook and Swag Etiquette material went from a reflection of seemingly tragic dates reenacted with humor to a heartbreak confessional. Now I would have never realized the adjustment in my altered perspective of relationships until a good friend quoted, “now you’re just upset.” Alright, maybe you had to be there to understand the epic proportion of his statement but he did have a point. No longer was my blog what I intended it to be. However with countless heartbreaks, countless dates and a blog for the year of 2012, I think I have finally understood what exactly my New Years resolution was meant to achieve: How to be single.

 Let me explain. The idea is genius or quite possibly tragic so I beg you, stay with me on this one because you and I both don’t know how this date will end. I have an idea and I need you to be open minded about this.

Constantly I am giving advice I myself fail to follow. I tell those who come to me with concerns and heartbreaking material, the importance in knowing how to be alone. I am not talking about a 24 hour period of no contact with your other half nor am I talking about a two week break while you two take time to think things through. I am talking about waking up each day accepting that you will not wake up to a “Good Morning” text from him. I am talking about having one of the worst days and accepting he will not be there by your side at the end of the day. I am talking about accepting that there may never be someone. Remember when I said the idea might be tragic? Yea, this is that part.

If you know me, you know I like “lists.” I make lists of every thing, it’s a little out of control. I have a tendency to create a list with individual’s I can really imagine myself with. This list consists of places I’ve always wanted to see, food I’ve always wanted to try, and things I’ve always wanted to do, yet, so often it remains unfinished. This list was never completed, in fact, it has hardly been touched and I find myself wrapping up the year of 2012 with an incomplete list.

So here is the genius part: I am spending the remainder of 2012 completing my list, alone. Not sold on how it’s genius just yet? In a relationship, we find ourselves in a routine so often that we fail to forget what would happen if this person never existed. So often we forget how to be ourselves. So often we lack confidence in doing things, even mundane everyday things, by ourselves because we have forgotten what it is like to step outside without someone holding our hand. The reality is, these individuals can disappear from our lives in a matter of seconds for any given reason. I have seen it, time and time again.

So I take on this challenge, a challenge to complete my list. A challenge to recognize that there may not be another person in my life for quite some time but that this list still can and will be completed, just maybe not the way I had always imagined. The challenge begins, learn how to be single by completing lists of dates that "we" never had the chance to cross off, alone.

The Challenge: Complete 5 Incomplete Dates

First Date: Grab my favorite sweats, buy packs of ramen, rent a movie and watch it. Alone. Be prepared for an Instragram upload and an epic caption because without the second part of that date being completed, I may have extra time on my hands.

Second Date: Go to a restaurant I have always wanted try and dine. Alone. This is where Yelp! will be beneficial.

Third Date: Recently, a friend found himself in shock for my lack in movie knowledge. I came up with every excuse in the book but the reality was, I just never had anyone invite me to a movie in a really long time. Naturally, date three, see a movie. Alone.

Fourth Date: Spend a Sunday, the entire Sunday, in bed, with champagne, strawberries and candles. I might cheat on this one considering it might get awkward with the tragic aspect of doing this activity on my own.

Fifth Date: Attend a Spoken Word Poetry Slam. As a writer, an unpaid writer, I have always wanted to observe an event like this but never found that person who had the same interest, and when I did, we never got to cross it off the list. But I can guarantee, these writers wont have my kind of style.

Lesson: I don’t have a conclusion for how these dates will end nor can I tell you whether the idea is truly genius or an epic tragedy. What I can tell you is I stay true to my advice in that we all could use a little alone time and understand the importance in taking on tasks without a helping hand. Be ready for five either genius posts or epic tragic tales of a single girl taking on the Los Angeles dating scene, alone.

Superhero

Superheroes: Benevolent fictional characters with superhuman powers. These individuals are claimed to possess extraordinary powers and abilities or master skills to a remarkable degree. It is said they have a strong moral code, including willingness to risk one’s own self. They possess motivation, taking on a sense of responsibility, or take on a formal calling. It is said often times they possess a secret identity that protects them from becoming targets while others possess costumed identities that are common public knowledge. These superheroes surround themselves with a supporting cast including friends, love interests and often times the cast may not have awareness of the superhero’s identity. A number of enemies, super villains in which surface in their respective story lines often surround these individuals. Most importantly, it is the back-stories that superheroes carry that give reasoning to these extraordinary individuals.

See, I never was the person who believed in superheroes. I was taught to live with a sense of pessimism and self-determination. Time and time again I was reminded that living in a reality where superheroes existed was living in a reality where you make claims of trust, hold your arms out far, fall back, and no one catches you. They simply did not exist.

For the first time, in a long time, I welcomed a superhero into my life. Superheroes have a tendency to come into your life when least expected. I welcomed the idea of a fictional character, a man who was not bound by masculine stereotypes. You know, the nonexistent “good guy.” I welcomed someone with “extraordinary powers and abilities” in that he met my highest expectations with no compromise needed and had the ability to break my guard. This superhero had an unexpected moral code in which he once displayed the ability to risk one’s own self through writing in true form of honesty and vulnerability. And like many superheroes, he created a secret identity. I met two. I met the identity that took on the face of the industry. The identity that reeked confidence, self-assurance, and a stage presence that commanded attention. I define this as the identity that a superhero uses to protect himself from vulnerability. The alternative identity took form of the good guy, the one who could seemingly do no harm and this was made very public.

This superhero was nothing short of a supporting cast and a damn good one at that. I was fortunate to meet some of them. They all seemed to have those superhero like qualities taking form of “genuine good men” who proudly own their identities. And I must admit, this supporting cast sure knew how to throw one hell of a party where one finds they themselves forgetting ever needing saving. Never the less, this superhero is also said to be surrounded by lovers. As a single woman who has been all to familiar with the game, I am not blind when women of interest are present. She was beautiful too, I must admit. And a distraction, because when I was in need of this superhero, he was busy saving her.  It’s funny though, so many of these women don’t see through a superhero’s identity, maybe because they never truly need saving. So I finish this identification of my superhero with this: his back-story. Every superhero has one but it is not my place to identify and expose his.  Just understand that these back stories provide reasoning for their absence.

If I haven’t lost you, just yet, I thank you. Stick with me on this one; I think I can really teach you something:

In recent events, I was in desperate need of saving and that night was no different. I found myself standing alone, bombarded and facing an unfamiliar crowd with remarks being thrown at me. I had no choice but to walk away, in haste, on my own with no one following. It’s funny, one would assume dressed up as Captain America, one would have the backbone to stand ground. I guess I really should have watched the movie to see how it’s done. No sooner had I walked away from battle, there was a superhero close behind, my superhero. One would assume this would be a moment of relief, to finally be seen. After all, I managed to perfect the power of invisibility with this particular individual in recent times. With a superhero close behind, I found myself guarded, vulnerable, and claimed I didn’t need to be saved and for the first time, I heard myself provide an answer to a question I was once never able to answer:

I don’t need to be saved, I need to be able to save myself because good guys like you always end up leaving.

It was this remark that led me to a place of vulnerability and unable to stand ground. I caught myself stuttering and uncertain behind the meaning of my language. This superhero had lost her battle with the villain, her ego, her pride, herself. A discussion was had, a discussion I do not wish to relive at this moment in time publicly. Now here is the ironic part. My hero walked away from me the same night I realized I found him. Staying true to that superhero form.

Lesson: I met a superhero. It is true, they do exist. But I beg to introduce a valuable lesson to all my readers. We all go through a time when we need saving. Yet, despite it all, we get out of bed in the morning and perform our own superhero like tasks. Post battle, my tasks required me to hold my head up high, smile, and reassure my guarded clients “everything will all be okay.” I lied. The fact is I didn’t know it was going to be okay but I saw they needed just someone, anyone, to save them, even if it was just for that moment. So the lesson is here, despite it all, all the heartbreaks, all the challenges, all the lost faith, we continue to thrive and put on that secret identity as the person who has it all figured out. So I beg to question you all, does this make us superheroes?