It was about a month ago when a
good friend of mine posted in her Facebook status “I just want a man who is
able to spell.” Naturally, she received a vast amount of likes and good
commentary. The status was simple, straight to the point, and could not be truer.
Let me prepare you, this is not a post about men who can spell. If you receive
text messages from me, you are well aware I am not the one who should be
passing judgment on spell tactics. I blame autocorrect. This is a post about expectations;
it is you to determine where you stand.
Growing up in the era of Disney, we
create the ideal image of a partner. As we get older, we come to realize our
high expectations are out of range and we compromise. After all, who rides
large white horses in downtown Los Angeles? Could you imagine if a man picked
you up on a magic carpet? Don’t even get me started on all the princes with
“pets” that talk. In all honesty, I was happy to compromise. Unfortunately, I compromised a bit too much and my
expectations became a bit too low expectations.
It was around August when I
approached my roommate informing her how I had an epiphany. I was
through with casual dating. Dates on drugs, the players, and the needy just
weren’t doing it for me. I now expectations, high one's at that! I approached her and embarrassingly stated “I have the
most ridiculous fantasy and know this could never happen but I have this image
of spending just one Sunday in bed with someone the entire day. We’ll eat
amazing food, have amazing sex, and not have to answer one call or text!” She looked
at me as if I had just lost my mind. She reminded me just how realistic this was. It was at that point that it hit
me; I truly had lowered my standards to unrealistic proportions.
The end of 2012 is quickly
approaching and therefore my 2012 resolution of remaining single is due to
expire. I find it only fitting that you take part in this exercise with me and
write down your expectations for what you are looking for in a partner. I am
serious, stop what you’re doing and grab a piece of paper and pen. Oh that’s
right, modern era, grab your phone, open “Notes” and start typing. Here are some of my "high" expectations required when dating.
Top 10 Expectations: Dating
1. Education
- College Graduate: It is not about what he majored in nor is it about his
promising employment stipends. A college education makes the top of my list
because of the respect I have for an individual who spent four or more years
working towards a goal that only he is in control of and succeeds it.
2. Employment
– Full Time: We are adults. If I can manage 2 to 3 jobs and excel in a master’s
program full time than I expect you to be employed. I can’t take care of the
both of us.
3. Transportation:
I hear women complain when a man doesn’t drive exactly what you
might see in a rap video. Now of course, I won’t lie, when I was picked up in a
2012 5 series fresh off the lot for a first date, I didn’t exactly complain.
However, I am also from the real world and understand that everyone has his or
her own agenda and ways in which they spend. Have a way to get from point
A to point B safely and i'll be your girl. My ex taught me well. A man who uses
your gas tank, scrapes your rims, and charges your FasTrak while
you’re out of town is not ideal and therefore has made it to my top 10 high
expectations list.
4. No
Children: This one is by far one of the more challenging expectations given
that in one’s mid twenties, so many have kids. No, seriously, I buy baby
clothes in bulk knowing two baby showers will follow the initial one. I simply
have this expectation as a priority on my list because for one, have you
experienced baby mama drama? Secondly, I simply wish to share the experience of
having a first child with someone together.
5. Must
Love Dogs: I mentioned that some expectations might come across a bit
ridiculous. Well this is mine.
6. Good
Humor: We all have personality traits we look for, mine is good humor. If you
have met me personally, you understand I am not exactly introverted. I just
need a man who can keep up.
7. Open
Minded: I was getting fairly serious with someone, so serious that it came to a point
where I began debating if my 2012 resolution would stay in tact. Finally, I
decided to take it upon myself and ask him “what are your values?” It turns out
we were complete opposites. So opposite that compromise was not an option.
8. Religious
Ambiguity: Religion has been one of the more challenging expectations for me in
that it has limited a lot of great “options.” I come from a background
where my mother is Jewish, my foster mom is Pagan, and my biological father is
Christian. First of all, do you understand what mixed messages a child get from
that? I am not here to identify where I stand, however, I find it a challenge
in being involved with any man who is 100% one sided. I respect your values
and where you stand but don’t expect me to raise my child from only one
perspective.
9. Crew
Love: I have a life and the reality is I need you to have one too. More
importantly, you surrounding yourself with good people really can impact the
way you are viewed.
10. Good Sex. No, seriously. No compromise.
Lesson: My top ten expectations may
be incredibly different from yours, as they should be. Some may be ridiculous
while others may be very sincere. However, what is more important is what you
do with them. Let these expectations take precedence in your future dating
endeavors because without them, you are simply wasting your time.
No comments:
Post a Comment