Monday, October 15, 2012

"High" Expectations


It was about a month ago when a good friend of mine posted in her Facebook status “I just want a man who is able to spell.” Naturally, she received a vast amount of likes and good commentary. The status was simple, straight to the point, and could not be truer. Let me prepare you, this is not a post about men who can spell. If you receive text messages from me, you are well aware I am not the one who should be passing judgment on spell tactics. I blame autocorrect. This is a post about expectations; it is you to determine where you stand.
Growing up in the era of Disney, we create the ideal image of a partner. As we get older, we come to realize our high expectations are out of range and we compromise. After all, who rides large white horses in downtown Los Angeles? Could you imagine if a man picked you up on a magic carpet? Don’t even get me started on all the princes with “pets” that talk. In all honesty, I was happy to compromise. Unfortunately, I compromised a bit too much and my expectations became a bit too low expectations.
It was around August when I approached my roommate informing her how I had an epiphany. I was through with casual dating. Dates on drugs, the players, and the needy just weren’t doing it for me. I now expectations, high one's at that! I approached her and embarrassingly stated “I have the most ridiculous fantasy and know this could never happen but I have this image of spending just one Sunday in bed with someone the entire day. We’ll eat amazing food, have amazing sex, and not have to answer one call or text!” She looked at me as if I had just lost my mind. She reminded me just how realistic this was. It was at that point that it hit me; I truly had lowered my standards to unrealistic proportions.
The end of 2012 is quickly approaching and therefore my 2012 resolution of remaining single is due to expire. I find it only fitting that you take part in this exercise with me and write down your expectations for what you are looking for in a partner. I am serious, stop what you’re doing and grab a piece of paper and pen. Oh that’s right, modern era, grab your phone, open “Notes” and start typing. Here are some of my "high" expectations required when dating. 
Top 10 Expectations: Dating
1.     Education - College Graduate: It is not about what he majored in nor is it about his promising employment stipends. A college education makes the top of my list because of the respect I have for an individual who spent four or more years working towards a goal that only he is in control of and succeeds it.
2.     Employment – Full Time: We are adults. If I can manage 2 to 3 jobs and excel in a master’s program full time than I expect you to be employed. I can’t take care of the both of us.
3.     Transportation: I hear women complain when a man doesn’t drive exactly what you might see in a rap video. Now of course, I won’t lie, when I was picked up in a 2012 5 series fresh off the lot for a first date, I didn’t exactly complain. However, I am also from the real world and understand that everyone has his or her own agenda and ways in which they spend. Have a way to get from point A to point B safely and i'll be your girl. My ex taught me well. A man who uses your gas tank, scrapes your rims, and charges your FasTrak while you’re out of town is not ideal and therefore has made it to my top 10 high expectations list.
4.     No Children: This one is by far one of the more challenging expectations given that in one’s mid twenties, so many have kids. No, seriously, I buy baby clothes in bulk knowing two baby showers will follow the initial one. I simply have this expectation as a priority on my list because for one, have you experienced baby mama drama? Secondly, I simply wish to share the experience of having a first child with someone together.
5.     Must Love Dogs: I mentioned that some expectations might come across a bit ridiculous. Well this is mine.
6.     Good Humor: We all have personality traits we look for, mine is good humor. If you have met me personally, you understand I am not exactly introverted. I just need a man who can keep up.
7.     Open Minded: I was getting fairly serious with someone, so serious that it came to a point where I began debating if my 2012 resolution would stay in tact. Finally, I decided to take it upon myself and ask him “what are your values?” It turns out we were complete opposites. So opposite that compromise was not an option.
8.     Religious Ambiguity: Religion has been one of the more challenging expectations for me in that it has limited a lot of great “options.” I come from a background where my mother is Jewish, my foster mom is Pagan, and my biological father is Christian. First of all, do you understand what mixed messages a child get from that? I am not here to identify where I stand, however, I find it a challenge in being involved with any man who is 100% one sided. I respect your values and where you stand but don’t expect me to raise my child from only one perspective.
9.     Crew Love: I have a life and the reality is I need you to have one too. More importantly, you surrounding yourself with good people really can impact the way you are viewed.
10. Good Sex. No, seriously. No compromise.
Lesson: My top ten expectations may be incredibly different from yours, as they should be. Some may be ridiculous while others may be very sincere. However, what is more important is what you do with them. Let these expectations take precedence in your future dating endeavors because without them, you are simply wasting your time.

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