Prepare for the Z-Snap

This post will not exactly be what you may expect to see on Swag Etiquette, especially based on recent posts. Recently, posts have been a bit more sympathetic to the harsh reality in dating and finish with a lesson learned. It was good while it lasted because tonight we are back on track with what made Swag Etiquette “famous;” A blog that reminds us exactly why we are still single utilizing real life stories that you can’t help but crack a smile and shout out “I feel you!” Ladies and gentleman, throw out any sense of logic. Throw out the idea of compromise. Throw out the optimistic outlook on dating. This is not a post for the politically correct. I ask you to sit back and reflect on those past relationships because tonight we will be indulging in the Z-snap.

Z-Snap: A gesture where you snap three times as you make a Z-like figure in the air. The snap often implies, "Oh no he didn't!" or "your bitch ass just got served!" More often than not, it is usually used by ghetto masters or white wangstas. Thank you for that Urban Dictionary.

If you are a frequent reader of Swag Etiquette, shout out to you, you most likely have an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, right? Damn, aren’t those exes something? One minute you are planning your lives together, the next you become perfect strangers.

For the sake of this post, let us rewind back to that whole “life planning” section. I am not sure who came up with the phrase “love conquers all” or “love is all you need” because if I did, they wouldn’t be alive today. Just kidding, don’t arrest me. These optimistic individuals clearly did not date the guy who was incapable of finishing a community college course without dropping mid-semester. I highly doubt those individuals dated the guy who refused to move out of his mother’s basement because he simply could not get it together. Those optimists must have avoided dating the ones who rack up thousands of dollars in IOUs because they simply couldn’t pay up. Those same individuals must have avoided dating the one’s who are incapable of purchasing a whip of their own and therefore use yours without contributing to gas or toll fees. Ladies, fellas, I know you hear me… Take a deep breath, crack a smile because you know it’s happened to you and indulge in that Z-snap because you feel me!

So here is where it begins. You become fed up in your relationship. No longer can you financial support this person. No longer can you emotionally cope with someone who is incapable of managing his or her life lessons. No longer will you be with someone who time and time again can’t commit. No longer can you stand to say encouraging words to someone who simply can’t hear you. More and more you grow tired and you find yourself reflecting on the relationship realizing you just can’t make it work and naturally in time, you break up. You are officially an ex.

Now here is where it gets weird and therefore evokes the classic Z-snap. I don’t know exactly how the switch happens but have you ever noticed that after a break up, you both seem to thrive? Usually. Let me explain. An ex of mine was so incredibly intelligent, it made me sick. You know, those people who can study for ten minutes and ace a test while you spend your entire night outlining and highlighting only to achieve a C- on that same text? As intelligent as he was, he simply couldn’t move forward in his college career. It wasn’t until we broke up that something clicked, I mean really clicked where the day we closed the door to the apartment we shared was the day he moved forward into the military only to specialize in nuclear engineering. I was “homeless” for 9 months post breakup. Seriously?! 

Than there was my other ex who had a similar story except in addition he was trapped in his mother’s basement. By the way, convincing a man to move out of his mother’s basement and embrace independence is no easy task. Post-breakup he enrolled in culinary arts and is living independently. Well, almost, but ill take what I can get.

My final example is the man who was incapable of committing. Oh he was my favorite; the one who will have his own chapter in the print edition of Swag Etiquette if I ever have the courage to finish it because readers, trust me, you will want to read about this one. I won’t go into full detail but lets just say, he was a great contributor in how I gained greater knowledge of “The Player.” After two years of on-again-off-again relationship statuses, our relationship or whatever it was, was a wrap. Post breakup however I came to find out he was in a 2 year committed relationship with over the top “I love you” wall-to-wall comments and a profile picture that even brings The Notebook cover to shame. I found myself perplexed and asked myself over and over, what was so hard committing to me?

I write this post because for one, I clearly can relate to the concept and secondly because of the reality it highlights when it comes to relationships. We come into each relationship better than the next. We come with greater experience in many aspects necessary. We act on lessons learned. We now have a clearer mind. I just wish I wasn’t the one who fell victim to being the teacher.

Lesson: There is no way to predict how a relationship will fall together; however, if one cannot stand on his or her own and you are unable to keep that individual afloat, let them go. It is not easy. There may be tears. There may be anger. Okay, a lot of anger; however, this I can promise. There will be a time when you find yourself able to sit back and reflect on your relationship with that individual. You will be able to share the story making full use of the Z-snap and additional expressive slang quoting “Oh yes he did!” However, while doing so, it will all be in laughter because you too are now in a better place.

Copyrighted Romance

There comes a time in every woman’s life, at least once, where she finds herself curled up on the sofa indulging in the ultimate chick flick. For two hours she is swept away into an ideal world where a complete stranger that wreaks perfection pursues and stops at nothing to sweep her off her feet. And we wonder why we need informational classes on how to protect ourselves from date rape. Moreover, these films favor the idea that a love will be lost as a result of miscommunication or tragedy. Seriously, why does this happen in every movie? This loss becomes the ultimate test for one to prove their love. In doing so, one takes on impossible tasks whether it is slaying a dragon, going across the world to find you, or using your wedding that you just spent over $30,000 as his confession stand. As expected, these grand gestures win one over and they live happily ever after.

Sure, they have predictable story lines and less than creative writing but in all honesty these films can be refreshing. Now although I firmly believe that both sexes can be that individual on the couch, I am going to make use of stereotypes for simplicity sake and identify the woman as the one on the couch. Naturally, company would be appreciated during this two hour session and your man happens to fall victim to this role. Don't have a man? Not surprising considering this is a blog has a tendency to be dedicated to those who have trouble selecting one worthy of introducing to your parents but for this post's sake, imagine there is someone in your life, even if it is seemingly temporary. Now this film viewing can go one of two ways. He will allow himself to be dragged into this ideal date of yours and although he may pass comments, he will sit through the majority of the film with you because, let’s give him some credit, he genuinely wants to make you happy. The other scenario may look a little something like this. “Let me help you get comfortable so you can really enjoy this movie. Ill just be in the other room, I don’t want to bother you.” Well intended but not the best choice.

First thing’s first, as the person who chose to leave during this flick, you can guarantee you will hear about it later. That slick maneuver you used to get out of watching the flick just bought your other half good material for an argument soon to come. More importantly, it is not uncommon that you here women question time and time again, “where has all the romance gone? and quite frankly you're tired of it.

Romance: The expression and pleasurable feeling from an emotional attraction to another person associate with the act of love. In the context of romantic love relationships, romance implies an expression of one’s deep and strong emotional desired to connect with another person intimately (Wikipedia, 2012).

Yes, I used Wikipedia. This is a Blog, not a grad paper. Everything is going to be okay.

Time and time again women are begging to know where the romance went. As much as I am tired of asking myself the same thing, I can almost guarantee you’re just as tired of hearing it. Do you remember that movie you skipped out on? Yea, that 2 hour film had over 100 maneuvers you could use for an entire courtship and than some. Still at a loss for ideas? Let me name five in order of appearance from one of the most popular romance films out there, The Notebook. 1. Dance with her in the street. It only takes one poorly sung song but it’s cost efficient and you’ll get high marks with her girlfriends. 2. Take her to the lake, a beach or a park where you both can let go and relax. Of course, “get in the water"! 3. Write her a letter. I get it, love letters on paper might be a bit outdated but when she finds it among all the bills, you can only imagine the points you’ll receive. Still apprehensive? Write her an e-mail from work just letting her know she’s on your mind. Don’t worry, I am not asking you to write 365 of them. 4. Prepare a dinner for her in the home. Can’t cook? Me neither. Embrace Grub Hub and choose a great set of dishes. 5. And of course, since we are talking about The Notebook, take full advantage of the rain. It always seems to end well. If you find yourself at a loss on the last one fellas, you probably should have sat through that last movie.

Lesson: We are all so exhausted by our everyday routines in daily living and it is only natural that our relationships become just that, a routine. No one is asking you to become prince charming. Ladies, no one is saying you can’t take part in showing a man a little romance too. Romance is all around us and you have hundreds if not thousands of films that give you anywhere from the most basic to the most extravagant romantic gestures to choose from. I beg you, no more excuses and no more questions asking “where has all the romance gone?” It’s been right in front of you the whole time.