I Am Not Your Baby

There is a fine line between dating and being in a relationship. I plan to make this a topic for Swag Etiquette in the near future so I will not go into too much detail regarding what distinguishes one from the other. However, I will say this; that fine line between dating and a relationship is crossed when you refer to me as your “baby” without any evidence that you have what it takes to baby me. Harsh, I understand. When that line is crossed, you risk becoming a Swag Etiquette post and I thank you for the inspiration.

I always thought I was one of the only women who felt discomfort when certain terms of endearment were received from men I was only casually dating. It seems that so many women thrive on their new found identity if it utters romance so I often question, “what’s wrong with me?” However, during a recent discussion, my roommate and I concluded that terms of endearment were not endearing at all but rather suffocating and in all honesty, a little obnoxious. Men in my life, none of which were actually my boyfriend or none of which I had been even close to being seriously involved with led themselves to believe they had this right to identify me as their “baby.” Now I am not talking about the occasional slip of the term nor am i referring to bedroom lingo, it all can fly, with permission of course. I am talking about the repetitive text messages, Facebook messages, voicemails, or those rare conversations people still seem to have face to face, thanks to technology, where the terms are used time and time again. 

 Note: This applies to both men and women who are trapped in the friend zone by an individual in a committed relationship. Be mindful in how your text messages read in the eyes of others.With nothing to hide, I cannot explain to you how many awkward silences occurred when a boyfriend of mine would read a text message for me, with my permission, from a friend where the phrase "baby" or "boo" appeared. It is disrespectful of boundaries that have already been set.

This post is one where I cannot provide an answer with utter confidence for my distaste for these terms being thrown at me pre-relationship but I can offer some perspective, more like, personal preference. Now I want you to ask yourself first where you stand regarding this topic before reading the following. Seriously, think about it.

I have a theory it comes down to the way in which you view romantic relationships. If you are someone who is utterly provoked by the idea of a fairy tale where love is found at first sight and blows up your cell phone every 20 minutes and your Facebook wall every 10, this post may not be for you. For others, the terms are meaningless and simply add, for lack of a better word, “flavor” to a conversation. For many remaining, and myself, a relationship is like a business deal. I know, I know, way to strip the romance out of a relationship, but hear me out. I may date a lot, yes, but I require a man to truly show me he has what it takes for me to put my guard down and in all actuality, be babied. Now I don’t know business as well as I would like to but somewhere in that mix was a client, an investor, a business proposal, and an investment. What I mean by my business plan or in other words “show me he has what it takes” is different for me than it might be for you. That would require you to take a step back and define what you need out of a person to feel secure enough to let your guard down and embrace a romantic relationship. You see where I am going with this?

Lesson: Fellas, I understand that you use these terms of endearment for a variety of reasons and I applaud your efforts. However, I highly suggest you refrain from identifying a woman by these terms that you are casually dating or worst, a woman who placed you in the friend zone. Seriously, I have two male friends who continue to call me this and it results in an unanswered text. By reserving the terms for the more intimate stages of a relationship, they no longer become overwhelming and suffocating but rather appreciated and reciprocated.